Gender Expectations: In Youth 'till the Present Day

         Since childhood, I have been inundated with subtle messages about how I "should" act, an inescapable obstacle of growing up for most. Expectations about what is "appropriate" for a girl to play with, dress like, behave, and speak went mostly unnoticed, but I remember certain instances in which my parents and family became vessels for transmitting the cultural norms of the society we live in.

        As a child, and up through my adolescence and early adulthood, I have never quite fit into the exact mold of "ideal femininity", according to our culture. I played in dirt with my older brother, roughhoused wearing skirts, and got covered in scratches and bruises from playing outside. I think that sometimes, though my parents were very accepting and open to my desires, were frustrated that my "potential" for being a "respectable lady" was being squandered. It was possible for me to look pretty, and be nice, and play with dolls... but i didn't.

       My earliest memory of gender expectations- in fact, this became a theme throughout my life- being imposed on me was centered around my fashion sense. I mostly liked to wear my older brother's comfortable hand-me-downs. When my parents would dress me up, I would cry because I wasn't allowed to play in the grass. I also would constantly be reprimanded to "SIT LIKE A LADY!!". This was the one area which my parents pushed for me to act "appropriately"... in public. I can see why it would have been awkward for them to have a young girl in a skirt sitting cross-legged, or like a frog... but I wonder why they didn't put me in shorts underneath. I was supposed to act "proper" in public, and I never understood why. To this day, I don't really understand why... and now understand that I have no reason to accept these gender expectations.

           More recently, I have become more aware of the plethora of culturally constructed gender ideals. In my adolesence, I rejected many cultural standards of mainstream style, music, and other standards. I had my hair in dreadlocks, dyed bright orange, pink, and red, with trinkets and charms tied and woven into it. It was visually appealing to me, however it did not exactly adhere to traditional views of femininity such as softness, shininess, or cleanliness. Also, the attention I drew was not in the form of submissiveness or daintiness. The aggressive, unconventional styling of my outfits and harsh colors and structure of my hairstyle drew criticism from my uncle at a family gathering. He asked me why I make myself unattractive, because I "could be" so pretty, if I only tried harder. I was confused, but his words didn't hurt me, because I understood that not everybody has the same open-minded viewpoints as me.

         I found it very interesting in the text for class, Gendered Lives: Communication, Culture, and Culture by Julia Wood, when she states that societal standards can be adjusted as people choose to accept or reject them. By rejecting expectations of femininity, I can help others to question those norms which don't sit right with them. I hope that many others will choose to form their own conceptions of their genders, and free themselves of the confinement brought upon us by societal constraints.