While reading my textbook, I was able to relate with several of the examples of ways in which male and female students are treated in the classroom. Especially during elementary school, we were often split up into boys and girls for activities, and boys were asked to perform carrying tasks. I remember being in PE and watching the boys game of flag football, wishing that the girls game were more competetive. The girls didn't try as hard, and there was no contact. In fact, I was afraid to play sports with girls ever since I accidentally broke my tiny gymnast friend's collar bone by bumping her too roughly. I was asked to be gentler, while the boys were egged on.
When I recieved the class prompt for this weeks blog, I was stumped at first. I was asked to write about how male and female students are treated differently by professors. I scanned my memory, and felt like I had never really noticed being treated differently in any significant way by my professors.Since beginning my college education at metro in the fall of 2009, I've done pretty well by doing my homework and studying for tests. I had recieved fair grades and had never thought about it. But when I started thinking about the non-academic side of the question, I noticed the subtle ways that males and females are always treated differently that I normally take for granted. In my Interpersonal communications class last semester, we often had class discussions about our experience in communication. The topics always seemed to veer towards our romantic relationships and communication struggles, which I think the teacher did on purpose because she liked to hear the gossip. One day, we were asked questions like whether friends with benefits was possible, how we feel about cheating, and dating friends exes. I noticed that the boys answers tended to be more ambiguous, with mixed opinions, while the girls responded more strongly and consistantly with each other. I learned in a psychology class that men are less likely to become attached after sex, and are more casual about it... and if that's true, it would explain my class's division. lots of the girls had had bad experiences with trying physical relationships with friends (because they felt more connected after sex?), that cheating was unforgivable (because for them to cheat they would have to have feelings for the other guy?), and dating their exes was not okay. Actually, the guys thought exes were off limits too. But some of the guys thought cheating didn't have to mean anything serious, and friends with benefits could work. All these statements were accepted casually by my professor. When my friend and I both talked about having had successful casual relationships with friends, I noticed a skeptical/ judgemental reaction from the teacher. My friend and I also had similar stories about forgiving boyfriends for kissing other girls, and she commented that she "didn't understand us", and responded with her opinion as if it were more valid. I talked about how I didn't have a problem with my friends dating my exes, since i had good relationships with them, and dated my friends exes pretty often, since we're all friends. When I finished my thought and mentioned that it wasn't a big deal to me, she responded jokingly "well thats enough information for me", like i was divulging personal secrets about my sex life.
In the textbook, a text box on p. 198 talks about the rise of "hookups" in colleges, sexual encounters without commited relationships. The factors identified as causing this trend include the disporprtionate male to female ratio, supposedly causing women to lower their standards. Also, females wanting to quickly launch careers are proposed to more often than in the past seek out sex without the distraction of love. The third reason given stems from the fact that women are trained from a young age to view themselves as sex objects, sources of pleasure for men rather than for themselves. This is said to result in females engaging in sex not for personal desire, experience, or pleasure; but to fit in with their peers and be well liked.
This explained to me the probable explanation for my teacher's strange reaction to my friends with benefits story. She had assumed that I was describing my random hookups, rather than my occasional physical relationship with a friend, was something to share with all of my classmates. Though I did describe this while I spoke, my teacher made a point to state that she 'always had to have a boyfriend so that she could make sure he treated her right', and that she was 'only with guys that had worked for it". I think she was trying to give me advice, like she felt bad for me. Basically, my teacher was perpetuating the image of women as sex objects by talking about the idea of men "earning" sex. What about us girls? Can't we have sex for enjoyment? She, like so many do, assumed that my behaviors indicated low self-esteem, and a need to be validated by the serving of men. Automatically, people assume sexually liberated females are just looking for attention.
Why don't males get treated like this? It's ludicrous to imagine a guy being pitied for having sex with different women, regardless of the relationship. Does male promiscuity invite the designation of his having low self-worth? Not in my experience. I wish that it were more widely acceptable for women to have active, safe, responsible sex lives without being labeled a slut and having people pity your pathetic self image. Contrarily, I feel that the reason that I am open about sharing the details of my relationships is because I know that I have a healthy self-image, and want to share it with others. Until awareness of female sexual empowerment spreads, it will not be widely accepted as normal and healthy.
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